The Offering

In early October, I had just finished a long day at the gallery. When I was leaving I saw the glory of the full moon over downtown, and knew I had to get some of that in my life. So I decided to go up into the foothills. I stopped and got a 6 pack of seltzers to take. I didn't want to hike or run, just wanted to get outside and go climb a rock and watch the moon for a bit before going home. As I drive up towards the mountains, the moon is starting to appear larger and larger as the mountains come closer and give it some perspective. My heart beats a little faster. A lot of times I think I miss my opportunity to see the moonrise, but now seeing it come into view reminds me that even just the trip from the Albuquerque basin to the foothills can put you into a different state of mind. I decided to go to the boulders at the  U-mound at the end of Copper Ave off of Tramway for easy access. At the trailhead the moon is shining bright just over the top of the mountains, I see a couple headlamps out in the distance.

I stuff my pack with a few seltzers and realize I left my mini phone tripod at the gallery. Whatever, this wasn’t a photo mission anyways.  I don't get far before the moon starts to peak behind the U-mound and that full moon energy starts to revitalize me. I slam a seltzer then take out my phone to start propping it up against rocks for long exposure shots. They're coming out amazing. 

Earlier this year I finally upgraded my phone not because it broke for once, but it just couldn’t keep up with the video and online work I’ve been doing. I switched teams from Google to Samsung for the camera alone, and the difference has been insane.I used to talk shit about phone photography, but I've since come around if it helps people practice something creative and expressive, then who cares? Without having to haul around so much of my gear I can focus more on the experience of where I am. I've created an insane amount of photos and videos in the months I've had this. 

The day before this outing, I’d gone on a 10 mile run with my buddy Andres from the crest down to Placitas.

Oct 6th Moonset in Placitas while waiting for Andres to show up to the trailhead

Sunrise from the North Crest Trail #130 looking south

On the way down the trail I took off some layers and must've set my phone down.  A mile later I realized it was gone. That gut drop panic hits you instantly. I sprinted back up the trail, retracing my steps, scanning the ground, waiting for it to reconnect to my watch so I could ping it.  So many scenarios running through my head. The self pity party was fully underway… until I found it.

This was supposed to be a decompression nature walk after a long day but the mesmerizingly beautiful full moon has a grip on me I can’t shake. It has a frenetic holiness that pulls me in. I take more photos of the moon crested over the foothills and through cactus as I make the .7 mile trek out to the boulder pile for the evening. I can hear someone shout a guttural roar that sounds like it's coming from the boulders. I drink another seltzer and continue on.

This was supposed to be a decompression nature walk after a long day but the mesmerizing beauty of the full moon has a grip on me I can’t shake. It has a frenetic holiness that pulls me in. I take more photos of the moon crested over the foothills and through cactus as I make the .7 mile trek out to the boulder pile for the evening. I can hear someone shout a guttural roar that sounds like it's coming from the boulders. I drink another seltzer and continue on.

I make it to the boulder pile, by this time it's empty, the roarer is now up at the top of U-mound, still yelling into the night. The moon is massive and beautiful as ever, it isn't easy keeping my phone steady enough to take good shots. The cluster of granite stretches maybe 100-200 ft long, 40-50 feet wide, with some boulders rising up 20-30 feet in the air.

At the top of the highest boulder there's a relatively flat area to sit and hang out at. Not many features to prop a phone up against. On one of the boulders there's a large crack through it, and if I put my phone in there it just so happens to perfectly line up with the full moon. I start snapping. They're coming out really badass! I want to take a longer exposure so I wedge my phone into the crack to hold it then hit the shutter again. More amazing photos. But can I do better? Already in my mind I'm giddy at the thought of posting these to my story and getting all the likes. Somewhere in the back of my mind is an inkling of "it would suck if my phone fell" but I keep going.

 I take, I take, and I take.

 Until, of course, the phone slips sideways a little in the crack and tumbles down. The length of the crack is only a few feet, but I can hear the phone tumbling down, down, down, the full 20-30 feet to the bottom. Instantly I knew I was fucked. It was way down there. It didn't just fall a few feet into the rock like I must've subconsciously hoped would happen if it fell. Immediately I knew the folly of my ways. The drinking, the lack of tripod, the zeal for the image capture.

Print available here

I think of the day before when I almost lost my phone and I know that this was already in the stars. Did I give an offering yesterday? I had taken lots of photos and videos yesterday too. I've been spending a lot of time in the mountains, taking, taking, taking. When was the last time I had provided an offering? Foolishly I couldn't remember. I sat and moongazed for a while. I’m clearly out of line with the rhythms of the Earth. This didn’t feel like an accident. I wasn't treating the mountain with respect so it took its own offering, my precious phone that cost as much as a mortgage payment.

 I've been getting more and more into the mountains, and watching documentaries and the like about mountaineering and rock climbing, alpinism, etc. I've been obsessed with survival stories where people barely make it out. So naturally one of my first thoughts was "that could've been me" I was still safe, still whole. I know it was just a thing that dropped, but still a pain in the ass. A lesson to be learned. A lesson I’ve had repeated more times than I’d like to admit.

I thought about the time ten years ago in Missouri, hanging out at the river, drinking some beers and enjoying the day. When everyone started packing up I rushed, was probably buzzed when I stowed my camera at the bottom of my bag, and waded across the river. When we were in the car I noticed the very bottom of my bag had gotten wet. I pulled out my precious camera. Dead. Bricked. I didn't tell anyone. Just stared out the window as despair took over me.

   And another time that I had left my camera bag in my car when I was visiting someone in a sketchy part of town and it got stolen. I also had some beers that day too. So many blunders involving alcohol and a lack of presence.

I must've been a little buzzed still, because the very bottom of my bag had gotten wet. I hadn't noticed until we were in the car. I pulled out my nearly $3000 camera and it wouldn't turn on. It was bricked. I didn't tell anyone. Just stared out the window as despair took over me. A few years after that I had accidentally left my camera bag in my car when I was visiting someone in a sketchy part of town. I also had some beers that day too. Seems like most of my greatest blunders in life have involved alcohol. And a lack of presence. 

By the grace of God, just a few days before tonight,  my phone’s internal storage had filled up so I had dumped all my photos and videos I captured during the year onto my desktop. So I didn't lose a lot of my work and especially all the photos and videos of my daughter. 

And I had insurance, and was able to get a replacement phone within 48 hours for a fraction of the full cost. But this was a stark lesson from the mountain. I needed to be more present. Live and give my attention to the moment instead of trying to capture it for someone else for another time. Chasing the shot instead of living in the moment.

I went back to the boulders in the next few days, even getting an endoscopic camera to try and see if I could even see it down there but it was gone gone. The thing is I looked all around those boulders at all the different cracks in all the rocks, and none of them go all the way down or to an inaccessible place. The only crack I could find like that is the one I dropped my phone into. When I went back the next month to try and recreate the shot, the moon didn’t line up with the crack anymore. It was just the perfect set of stupidity and circumstances lining up for me to lose my phone. To me it was a lesson that no photo, no reel, no shot is worth more than just being here breathing, seeing, listening.